nothing so eloquently displays an emotion as good as the word fuck
it's good for sex, it's good for getting mad, it's just plain good to say. and i say it a lot.
i fucking* burned my head. twice. yesterday and today. i got this new curling iron (it fucking* rocks) it's huge and it fancies up my hair into these gigantic fucking* curls. i look amazing.
too bad i am an awkward jack ass who some how can not manage to do my hair with out hurting myself. no hand eye coordination? who fucking* knows.
so here i am, awesome hair and a burned scalp.
that tops this last week of awesome things that i will never forget.
February 19, 2008 - Tuesday
i have been pissing out my ass since saturday.
as amusing as this sounds it is in fact not fun at all. actually i am scared that i am going to manage to pop a roid with all my ass pissery.
i don't know what i have but i know it is awful and everyone in my house has it. miles shit up his back yesterday. i have been doing load after load of shitty diapers. soaking them in the terlet and then washing them on mind blisteringly hot water a few times to hopefuly knock out any bacteria...maybe i'll run them through the auto clave?
To top all of this off i also have been on my period for about 3 weeks. last thursday while sitting in class i felt my crotch burp. not a fart, not a queef. it wasn't even actually any air. it was a god damned crimson tide of pure fucking evil relieveing it's self from my nethers.
as it sit in my small class of 9 and our instructor ushers us into break time i politely request the chance to take an early lunch. why you ask? because i have bled out of my crotch onto my pants and am now swimming in my own effluence. totally destroyed my fucking pants and my cute pair of undies.
i wrap my hoodie around my waist and drive home feeling a slow leek like a faulty oil gasket in a honda civic or some kind of chevy malibu
i go home take off my bloody pants and draws and happen to notice the worlds largest bloog clot hangin out from my junk, it looks like a cow just gave birth.
the fucker is about the size of a pack of smokes and i actually had to grab it to get it out.
i am so fucking gross you can't even begin to comprehend it with 100% of you faculties.
after said giant clot has been exited from my holyest of holys i encounted a steady flow of bright red fluid. it is comming out so steadily that i can feel it. a lot.
i have nothing to quell this beastly flow. no feminine product on this earth could. i don't even think those fucking diapers that they give you in the hospital could do the trick.
that is uless you're a genious like me and decide to put on a pair of boxer briefs grab a size 5 diaper from your kids stash of disposeable diapers and wedge it securely yet gently between your legs. IT DOES THE FUCKING TRICK. i can still feel a constant movement of life force from my crotch, but i am less inclined to care due tot he fact that i am sporting something that can take a whole 7-11 bladder buster and still have room for some doo doo. i wore a fucking diaper.
thats not my lowest moment in life but it's up there with that time i took a crap at the craft store and there was no tp so i had to use a reciept that i found in my purse.
these past few weeks can go fuck themselfs straight to hell
now i have a fucking cold.