the woman beater

talking shit about your ex does not speak very highly of yourself, but a picture is worth a thousand words.





yes, i am aware of the fact that i have no eyebrows

valerie

been knitting an ugly blanket. ugly blankets consist of a hodge-podge of different colors of yarn that would never normally go together, but once put together are sentimentally cute like a bull dog. I'm pleased with it so far.

much of the yarn i have was gifted to me from a family friend who just recently passed away.Betty. i think about her every time i sit down and knit. i never had a chance to really speak with her. she was a friend of Aaron's family and in the short time that he and i have been with each other i had only really met her once. at 90(something) years old she knitted a sweater,booties and a blanket for my daughter. i think about the hands that made them, all of the things she has touched. how she lived through world war two. she raised kids and had a family. she knitted blankets for the war vets at the hospitals and nursing homes. i think about all of this and wonder why she gifted these things to me.

i carry a lot of weight as a mother and a wife.my cup and clock are always full and yet i feel like i could do so much more. i could give more and make an impact.like she did.

i think about a lot of things when i sit down and knit. social situations politics. i think about how the world went and got it's self in a big god damned hurry. i wonder why the picture on the wall isn't so evident for everyone to see. socially we are digging ourselves into a hole. we are separating everyone into boxes of minorities and then telling them that they are like everyone else, but not.

i think about how the media represents blacks,mexicans asians and the like in such a negative light and then tells the white community not to discriminate. they show hoards of immigrants trying to find a better life and tell us that we're better off just kicking them out. then they have the gall to tell us we have no right to feel anything negative about any sort of minority after blasting us with countless hours of ignorant and racist commentaries about gang violence and the real world of "colored" people. they have so tightly packed these poor people into a niche that they can't get out of it and have to propagate what they have been told that they are. so who's really to blame?

who's really responsible for these ill groomed social graces? no one makes the decision anymore. they just turn on the tv and wait to be told how to think.

how to make a kick ass blueberry crumble

1. a fuck-ton of blue berries in an 8" square baking pan.

2. 2/3 cups brown sugar

3. 1/2 cups old fashioned oats

4. 1/2 cup white flour

5. 1 tsp cinnamon

6. 1 tsp nut meg (i use less cause nutmeg is strong as shit and can make something taste like shit real quick)

7. 1/3 cup softened butter or margarine. or if you're like me you use 1/2 cup...oops

blend all non fruit ingredients until crumbly and spread over fruit.

bake for 30(ish) minutes in a 375 degree oven, until golden and fruit is soft.


i fucking rock. i just want to get that out in the open right now. i picked up 4 steaks, potato(s), mushrooms for sauteing, broccoli, fixing for green bean casserole and of course i made a super ass-kickin blue berry crumble. at 5:00(ish) pm tonight i will be firing up the grill and strumming your pain with my sweet cherry ass culinary skills.

you could shit your pants wishing i was your wife. go ahead. do it. i might be fat, but at least i take it in the ass and can cook.

went to a huge party last night that was fucking awesome. a few kegs a bunch of svelte girls in their early twenties parading around half naked and a fucking keg! who could ask for anything more?

i also got a sweet ass tattoo. i mean, it's sweet and it's on my ass.

look at me! woooooooooo!!!

so i knit now. don't know if i mentioned that but i do.
i guess I'm just some kind of jack-off of all trades. i like it though. it relaxes me.
i need as much of that (relaxing) as i can fucking get cause i feel like i am always at the helm of some form of insanity.
i like being functional and productive. i helps me.

work is the same, a little better but nothing to really mention. i mean i guess i just did mention it...but.

randomly i have managed to be some brand of informal confidante to people who choose to share their personal business with me. not that i mind being a gigantic ear. it's always nice to know you have someone to listen to you and know that you have been heard.

someone who you think may understand even if they have no clue where you are coming from. i get this a lot from customers at work. they just spill the fuckin beans like I'm Dr.Laura (or Dr. Ruth at times) . wow a divorce, wow your wife cheated, wow your kid died. holy shit please open up a new department for me and call it: "Jamie listens to you bitch"
maybe i could get paid more for that? doubtful, but worth a shot.

a lot of friends and random acquaintances have been sharing with me a lot lately too. as if i am out of the loop enough for their words to never have to reach other peoples ears. not like i would ever give up any confidential information. what people tell me is on a one to one basis. i never slip it out to anyone.
i think it is just good to have someone who is outside of the realms of your own personal world who can look at your situation and give you prospective.

i had a friend like that when i was younger. i could tell him anything with out judgement or unwanted advice. he would listen to everything. i miss him sometimes. he knew me better than almost anyone. except maybe Aaron. he knows me better than i know me.

i am sick and i need to clean. i feel like i just took a mental dump and need to take a nap.


heres a personal picture share.

me circa 2004(ish)